Wiskey Tango

WT...Wiskey Tango...White Trash...people who live in trailers, wear wife beater shirts, have mullets, listen to Metalica and country music, have a whole shelf in their fridge devoted to beer, etc...

We are going to the annual demolition derby in Coalville UT this weekend. It seems to be the culminating event of the summer. We have been going for about 6 years with Matt's sisters and their families. We all love it. It is one big white trash fest but it is really fun.
I like to think of myself as middle calss but my roots are white trash and sometimes they shine through.
Speaking of roots...My roots are almost white! What am I going to do! I have to dye my hair more and more often just to keep from having white part! When we went camping my mom thought I had sunsreen in my hair but it was just my roots showing through. Ugh!

oh 2 days in a row!

I am blogging 2 days in a row! Look out it is any one's guess what this means...
A few more things I forgot yesterday...

• Baylee is allergic to our new kitty. It is so sad! Her little eyes are all red and runny, her nose is running, she coughs and sneezes (not a good combo with the amount of boogers she is producing). She loves animals and is so in love with Razor (the cat). I am going to take her to the doctor tomorrow and see if there is anything they can do so we don't have to get rid of him.
• We got new couches in the basement. It took quite a lot to get them. 3 delivery attempts (one by us and 2 by RC Willey). We had to take out part of the wall at the bottom of the stairs because it wouldn't fit. But we finally got it down there and they are great. I guess they will be there forever. We got one couch and one love seat with recliners. They are brown leather and very comfy. No telling how long it will take to get the wall back to normal. The drywall is back up but nothing else.
• Tuesdays are my favorite day. I don't see clients on Tuesdays so I get to stay home and do whatever I want. It usually turns out to be a spend the day with the kids day. It feels so much freer to not have a time that I need to leave. Oh, and my kids go to a play day for about 2.5 hours so I get some time to myself. And my sister has been coming to hang out in the evenings while Kolten plays bike polo with Chuck. I guess I really like Fridays and the weekends too. Again no clients.

Anybody want to help me decorate, since we have walls that need to be repainted and I am not sure what color to do?

And I need someone to show me how to put photos on my blog.

Where I've been...

I am the world's worst blogger!

A few things I have been up to...

• May19, 2008 I went out on my own. I got my own office and am truly in private practice now. I love it! My office is so cute! It is so nice to have my own space! Come visit if you want.


• Been taking the kids to the dinosaur museum @ Thanksgiving Point. (It is pretty cool and a nice place to go when it is really hot outside.)


• July 20, 2008 Got a cat. OK, the kids got a kitten. I just said "yes". He is 7 wks old and is orange striped with white feet. He is pretty cute. The kids named him Razor.


• July 18, 2008 got a Wii. It is pretty fun and I am not one to play video games. We have played at other's homes. Matt decided that it was such a positive interaction with the kids that we needed one. My arm hurts from playing tennis.


• My sister is getting divorced. I think it is best. They have never had a good marriage. She lives in UT now and I love having her close again.


• I gained back all the weight I lost last year. :( I have finally come to terms with the fact that you have to exercise to lose weight. I used to believe that women who were thin were just born with good genes. Not so. I have a thin healthy person living inside of me. She just likes to eat too much bread and not exercise. When I did Pilate's every day, I was in much better shape. Maybe I'll start again when the kids go back to school.


• Aiden starts Kindergarten this year. Baylee will be in 1st grade. That means I'll have part of the day all to myself. :) I should be sad but I'm not. I am excited.


• Matt passed his PE (Professional Engineering) exam. It was the last big test for licensing. No more tests for us!


• July 10-12 went on a camp out with my entire family. It was fun but more work than it was worth. I haven't been camping in a long time. I forgot how much work it was. It was fun to hang out with the fam and let the kids get dirty and swim in the lake.


• July 4th spent it in Idaho Falls with Matt's sister and her family. Saw a wonderful fireworks show that we'll go back to next year. Let the kids have a mud slide in her backyard and get thoroughly slimed. Mud makes for great sunscreen if you cover your whole body in it!


• July 19 went to Matt's cousin's wedding in WY. It was fun but didn't have much meaning. They have lived together for 4 years. It was interesting to feel how empty it was to hear them be married for their mortal lives.


• End of June finished reading the D&C for the first time in my life. Sad to say. I am working on reading all of the standard works. I'm finished with the Book of Mormon and D&C. Almost done with Pearl of Great Price. I am scared to start the Bible. But I have found things and had answers to prayers while reading the others so I'll give it a go.


• In the middle of trying to determine if one of my clients has multiple personalities. A first for me.


• April 3 new nephew born. Reginald aka "Reggie"...Chuck's son. He is so cute and has the coolest hair! It is about 3 inches long and stands straight up.


• I have also been up to really exciting things like weeding flowerbeds, cleaning house (sometimes), folding clothes, and trying not to kill my kids.


• Sometimes I am a great Mom. Sometimes I'm not. I have taken to swearing when I get really mad. It makes me sad and I try not to do it. And it seems in the moment that I just really want to. Sometimes I am surprised at how patient I can be. Seems to depend on what day in the cycle of life I am on.


• Oh, no baby news yet. Just keep trying! That's fun too.


• Had Baylee in soccer and Aiden in t-ball. That was fun to watch.

That's about all I can come up with now. I'll try to be a better blogger. It just seems like my life isn't all that much to write about most of the time. Maybe I'll learn how to put pictures into my blog. I do miss being connected with my girlie friends!

sigh

I am sitting here at almost 2 am. I would much rather be sleeping. But that doesn't seem to be happening tonight. Life seems to keep happening for me. (I'm not dead yet.) I hardly know where to begin.
So yes, I miscarried and had a D&C. That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The night we found out about the miscarriage, Matt took me out and gave me lots of loves and really took care of me. He was so cute and attentive. That night it was my turn to say our couple's prayer. I almost asked Matt to say it because I knew I would cry through the whole thing. (I did.) As I prayed I asked Heavenly Father to heal my broken heart. I continued to cry and be sad, disappointed, depressed etc until I fell asleep. The next morning I felt completely better. I don't mean like I got a good night sleep better, I mean all better. I was no longer sad, depressed, disrtaught, etc. I knew that the Savior had stepped in and literally healed my broken heart over night. It was amazing and such a sweet and tender mercy! I know from this and many other expereinces that the Atonement is not just for sins.
When I first found out that I was pregnant, Matt gave me a blessing. It said that I would find "joy" in this pregnancy. As I heard the news of the miscarriage, I thought, "What about the "joy" I was promised?" After that prayer was aswered so quickly, I found the joy. I found joy in knowing that I am not alone. That Heavenly Father and Jesus know me and care aobut my pain. I am so grateful that the answer was what I wanted instead of one of those times when I have to wait and work it out myself.
The D&C was really not that bad. I spent a fairly boring day in the hosptial because I went in to talk to the Dr and she scheduled the D&C for a couple hours later. I was really not prepared to stay there. Matt bought me a sudoku book at the gift shop but I couldn't get through even one puzzle. I was just not interested. I took a nap. That was kind of nice in the middle of the day, except that I was weraing a hospital gown and the bed sucked. My gown was cool though. It had this vent built in that hooked to an air system that blew in warm air and kept me warm. It also made me look like I was wearing a balloon suit. Anestisia wasn't as bad as I thought. I was a bit worried about what it would be like to be "put under". Of course I don't remember much. I didn't have my contacts in and vaguely saw the operating room. I don't know what else. Overall my recovery was unremarkable. I was tired that night. My pain was minimal, nothing more than a period. My bleeding was even more minimal. I made it to the trauma conference I had scheduled at the end of the week without issues.
The really nice part of all of this was that my emotions were very manageable. As the process went on I began to really understand how completely my broken heart was healed.

On a completely different subject...because the one above is not why I am awake. I just wanted to get that written and have been meaning to for days.
I have a new client that is going to really challenge me in many ways. I am scared to have her as a client, intrigued, overwhelmed, anxious, and traumatized. She is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (not the part that brings up all these emotions) and of Satanic ritual abuse (that's the part). I have only met with her twice. I will not share with you the things she has told me because you will all need therapy too if I do. I think I am going to start my own therapy. Seriously. I just can't process this stuff with her and have no where to debrief. Matt and I talked about her case a bit tonight. That helped but I couldn't tell him details of what she said because then I'd have to help contain him too. After I met with her last week for our first session, I came home and cried. I started praying to find out if I should continue seeing her or refer her to someone else. It was just all too much. That night as I was reading in the D&C, my prayer was answered. I had to read it several times and sit with it to make sure because it was not the answer I wanted. I was told to "continue the journey". It was like a section of the D&C was written for me and just for this situation. It was cool despite not getting the answer I wanted (being told to refer her to someone more skilled and expereinced).
I met with her again tonight. Again I was horrified at what she told me. I came home again wondering if my first answer was right or if I was just on an ego trip. After talking to Matt and sharing my concerns (many) I started reading the D&C again. I got my first answer confirmed. This time it was a little firmer but gentle at the same time. The scripture basically said that if the Lord asks us to do something we are to do it with our whole heart and a willing mind. Humm! Just the two things I was thinking were not ready for the task. As I read the scriptures over and read on, I knew that again the Lord was telling me that I was to conintue seeing her. I also felt that I definately need supervision. I also got the impression that the suprevisor would help me with the therapeautic skills to do what is needed and that the Spirit would help me with the spiritual healing that needs to happen. I felt impressed that if I referred this client out, that she would miss the spiritual piece, which is where the real healing happens. The Atonement is the only thing that can heal her. Hense, my expereince a couple of weeks ago. I guess I needed that personal remeinder so that when this client came and I got this answer, I had the expereince and faith to know that I would not be alone in the healing process. I already knew that, but really needed it to be fresh in my heart and mind. The part in the temple where we convenant to consecrate everything (time, talents etc) to the building up of the kingdom and establishment of Zion came to my mind. I guess that the time and money it will take me to do supervision, go to the temple more, ground myself etc will be worth it. Maybe all this is more for me than for her. I'm just sitting with the idea that this is where things are going for me and wondering what the next few months will be like. I know that things will work out and that my client and I will both be ok... and I am still nervous.

sucky

Well, my high is now a big low. i went into the Dr yesterday and found out that our baby doesn't have a heartbeat. I am spotting again. I am miscarrying. This is incredibly sucky. Is that even a word? I am doing better today. Yesterday was pretty hard. I just feel dizzy today. I haven't been able to get a hold of my parents yet so they don't know. I am not sure if things will just happen naturally or if I will have to have a D&C. I'll know more by Tues.

Update

Well, I went to the new Dr's office yesterday. I miss Dr Curtis! They took tons of my blood and made me pee in a cup twice. I didn't even get to see the Dr. I just talked with the nurse. I told her that I had been spotting so she sent me to get an ultra sound today. The ultra sound was fine, had to go vaginal (a new experience but not bad). We saw the baby. Yes, one. :) I am actually more like 6 weeks along. My due date is about 8-31. Too bad. Matt and I thought 8-8-08 would be cool. Who knows what the future will bring. The baby's heart beat was a little slow so they may have me do another ultra sound in a couple weeks. Keep you posted!

yaahoo!

Well, I can't stand it anymore. I have to tell you...I am pregnant! I think about 9 weeks! I guess I was pregnant already when I rubbed bellies with Mickey. Thanks for the rub anyway! I found out on New Year's Day. Obviously, I feel fine since it took me so long to even figure out that I am pregnant. I go to the Dr tomorrow. I am sad though because I have to change doctors. :( My insurance will not cover a delivery @ the new IHC hospital. So I am seeing someone that I have no idea who they are. Everyone I called was no longer doing OB, only the GYN. Weird! So after the appointment I'll let you know what I think of the DR and how things are going. I am a little concerned that we might be having more than 1. We'll see. We have told on 4 people and they are not our kids or parents. I am dying to tell someone. I saw my family last night and didn't tell anyone. I wanted to just shout it out, but Matt and I agreed that we would wait until our first appointment. So I did a lot of biting my tongue. Oh, and I might have an ear infection. Just my luck. I definitely have a head cold and can't take anything! :( I am getting a lot of sympathy from Matt which is nice.